Not Sure What This Pain Means

When I had my top surgery with Dr. Daniel Medalie in 2016, he informed me that he does not take out all of the breast tissue during surgery, he takes most of it out, but he leaves some to help sculpt the appearance of a male chest. If he took out all the breast tissue it would have looked rather concave. He informed me of this because he wanted to warn me that I could possibly still get breast cancer one day because he was leaving some of the breast tissue there.

Fast forward to 2019, I'm off testosterone (temporarily) and taking birth control (definitely temporarily) in order to try to get my eggs frozen. I have been taking birth control every night for a little over a month, and since yesterday, there have been certain parts of my chest that have become very sore and also maybe even a little enlarged. Which just sucks because it's a reminder that nothing is happening as fast as I want it to and that every day I can see myself de-transitioning.

For example, I looked down at my hands today while working at the pharmacy, and I noticed how full and soft they looked. They even looked smaller. I know that last part technically isn't possible but I just can't believe the power that hormones have. My hands used to be very masculine looking, they started to grow just a little bit of hair on the knuckles and they were very pronounced with the way they looked. For example, you could see the veins in my hands almost all the time, and now, it's like my hands have plumped back up and filled out again.

Let's all just hope that my tits aren't growing back and also that my fucking insurance company approves my oocyte retrieval and cryopreservation soon.